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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Changing Light Bulbs the Christian Way

From my inbox:


"CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY"


How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?



Charismatic : Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal
: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians
: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic
: None - Candles only.

Baptists
: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians : 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.



Mormons : 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians
: - We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.


Nazarene : 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.



Lutherans : None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish
: What's a light bulb?

***


Funny? Frivolous? Whimsical? Offensive? Sacrilegious? Blasphemous?


Whatever you think of these, I think you will have to agree that these lines should set the contending faiths in Christianity to a reflective mode and force them to assess what kind of reputation they have in the respective communities they belong to, what their distinctives have to do with the core of the Christian faith, how relevant are the issues they battle over to the daily concerns of their members, who really wins or loses at the end of their intramural fightings, how far they have strayed from the path to intellectual integrity in their desire to follow their vaunted religious authorities, or what needs to be reformed in their own ecclesiastical systems...


At the risk of getting the ire of the concerned church groups, I'd like to add the following to the list:


Church of Christ: Wait... Got a book, chapter and verse for a lightbulb?


Iglesia Ni Cristo: Depends on what the Executive Minister says.


Jehovah’s Witnesses: Why bother? Armageddon’s fiery ball is now poised to strike the earth!


Kingdom of Jesus Christ Name Above Every Name (Quibolloy): You gotta talk to THE Son first.


1 comment:

tasyongtambay said...

Christ is not on those cults.