Boy: Sukitek dagiti bituwen nga isagot ko kenka! [I'll snatch the stars and give them to you]
Girl: Nah, dim pay masukit ta duggong mo inyan to ket dagita bitwinen? [Bah! You can't even pick your nose...]
Boy: Jak la impagarup nga pati duggong ko ket kayat mo... [I never knew you also desired (my) booger]
Lasing sumisigaw: Hoooooh! Rumuar amin nga natured! Nagsilabasan ang mga SIGA. [Drunk shouting: Hoooh! Come out, toughies!]
Siga: 'Pay'a! Nya probleman? [Tough guy: Got a problem?!]
Lasing: Itulod dak man agawid! Mabutengak gamin... [Could you please walk me home? I'm scared...]
3. Penal Colony
Guard: Hoy!!! Agparutka man ti ruut! [Hey!!! Keep weeding!]
Balud [Prisoner]: Madik! [No!/Don't want to!]
Guard: Agparutka wenno saan? [Are you gonna keep weeding or not?]
Balud: Nagtulengka! Nu 'bagak nga madik, MADIK! Uray man nu ikkatendakon nga BALUD! [You're really deaf, are you? If I say I don't wanna do it, i won't! I don't even care if you kick me out of prison now!]
Juan: Kapi man, with milk. [Coffee please. With milk]
Waiter: 12 pesos sir.
Juan: 10 la di kalman. [It was only 10 pesos yesterday]
Waiter: Ngimmina ti gasolina sir. [Gas prices went up sir]
Juan: Han mu nga ikkan ti gasolina! [Well, don't put in gasoline (in my cup)!]
Anak: Tang, anya sidatayo? [Dad, what's for dinner?]
Tatang: Pusit ti sidatayo, anak. [Squid, son]
Anak: Apay ngay nga kamatis met ti adda ditoy lamisaantayo? [Why do I see only tomatoes on the table?]
Tatang: Pusit garud, ipusitsitmo ta kamatis iti bugguong! [Yeah, that's what I mean -- squeeze out the tomatoes into the fish sauce!]
*Text messages from Junley Lazaga -- "straightened out," of course, for readability. Puns in the original language are "lost in [my stilted] translation."
These jokes (which may not really be funny to those outside our culture) not only gives us a peek into how Filipino wit works but also into how he uses humor as part of his coping mechanism in the midst of any personal or national crisis.